redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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