I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
