I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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