The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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