the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
