Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
