everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
