Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
