the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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