How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
