I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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