i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
