i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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