..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She bit a glass in half.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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