I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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