his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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