I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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