I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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