??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
