I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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