ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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