so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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