dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
