living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
