I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize