You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
