The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize