Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
nutella sex= disaster
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
