Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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