This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
