Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
