She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
