i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
