Yo dont text me then not text me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
