google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
