we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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