Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
