It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
