I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
