Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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