omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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