Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize