Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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