he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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