Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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