Please, let me fuck your mom
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
