first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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