Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
