bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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