So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
