im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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