You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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