no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
