And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
