is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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