fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
