I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
