I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im holly from the hills drunk
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
