I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
