So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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