Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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