I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
