I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize