If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
