I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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