just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
