Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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