Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
