great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
