U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
