Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
