Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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