i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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