I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
