i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
