absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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