Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
